this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
