Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
