my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
