Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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