I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
