wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
