your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
