So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize