do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
