you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
