I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
