Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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