if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
