i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
