8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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