Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
