It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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