Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You can't motorboat a personality
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
