so that wasnt chicken after all
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
