I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
