ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
