No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
