That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
