Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
