went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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