I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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