wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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