loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
