So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
