also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
