Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
