She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
