im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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