her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
