So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
