hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am one with the molecules
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
