How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize