This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
