Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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