Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
