I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize