Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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