I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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