I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
