Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
