I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize