After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
