He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pants are for mortals
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
