Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
PANTIES FOUND
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