The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
