I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
