It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
