So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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