i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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