Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
