ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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