Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize