I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
