"it" just moved
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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