i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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