Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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