I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
