Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
