I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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