I hate all girls vehemently.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
