I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
