apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
