I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you will always have a special place in my vag
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
