There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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