Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
