Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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