Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
