you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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