I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
