Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
