My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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