She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
