Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
