Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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